Cover Photo Courtesy of Brooke Gibson
Is it possible to be body language illiterate? Half of the time I barely understand my own body, and now I’m expected to recognize the difference between a friend tap and a love tap?
This is the great conundrum of the dating game: to understand, but not over analyze. To be ready to respond, without misinterpreting. To be cute and endearing, while avoiding the awkward.
Here is a brief summation of my research (as taken from both online sources and live interviews):
Is it a positive sign of encouragement, or are their lips feeling a little bit chapped? “If a guy lick his lips on a first date, is it because you’re so cute he wants to eat you up? Just about, says Tonya Reiman, author of The Power of Body Language. She says it’s a sign of anticipation: ‘We lick our lips when we see something we desire,'” Josey Miller said, re-quoting Tonya Reiman in her article entitled, Figuring out the first date:11 body language cues, decoded.
While lip licking can definitely be a tool of flirtation, Thomas Rosalas, a twenty-one-year-old from Southern Calif said that he tends to lick his lips when he gets nervous, and I frequently play with my lips when they’re chapped.
2.Fidgeting (Playing with Hair, or Articles of Clothing)
When asked about what physical ques allow him to know that a girl is interested, 18-year-old Jordan Rogers from Southern Calif. told me, “They’ll start playing with their hair, or like, their necklace, or something…”
Regardless of the tool of choice, Jordan explained that girls will fidget with them (his list also included miscellaneous items such as water bottles and cups).
3. Eye Contact
Any business professional will tell you to maintain good eye contact when trying to make a good impression. It is no different in relationships.
The Great Mate said, “Eyes have long been seen as the “window to the soul,” and with good reason. Our eyes are some of the most potent indicators of our mood and intentions, and with a little study into the body language of the eyes, you can gain massive insights into someone with just a little observation.”
If they’re focused on you, it often shows that they are focused on the conversation, and interested in what YOU have to say.
“If we’re on a date and you don’t touch me at all for the first 30 minutes when there’s obviously a vibe, little red flags start popping up in my head. Men who don’t touch easily get shoved in the friend zone.”
Erin Lewis, an eighteen-year-old from Mapleton, Utah said, “I’m a very playful person, and if they are playing back, I find it a sure sign they are interested. If they are not comfortable, it’s obvious they have little to no interest.”
Bringing it Around:
I feel that comparison is a key component in analyzing body language. How has present behavior changed from past behavior? How do they treat you in comparison to others? If the individual goes from little or no contact, to bumping your knee or holding your hand, then they probably feel pretty comfortable with you.
On the other hand, if you know that they’re the type of individual to hug lots of people, and then they give you a nice hug, don’t put too much weight into it. You’ve made it to friend status, but it simply isn’t enough to go on.
The important thing to remember is that it’s going to be different for everyone, based on their upbringing, romantic history, and what they’re looking for.
“If anything, it’s just like a vibe you get. It’s… it’s a feeling you get, like if you know it’s going good or not,” Rogers told me. “Girls are more perceptive at body language than guys. Guys are just more, like, is she into me or not.”
Feel free to comment any ideas you would love to see in future posts, or insights you’ve had about body language on dates!