Modernizing our Dating Expectations

From the 50’s to the feminist movement, dating expectations have been all over the board.

Needless to say, it can be confusing finding a balance that centers on respectful courtship.

I’m not going to stand on my soapbox and say that I’ve got everything figured out, or that there’s even a right answer to this question, but times have definitely changed and we’ve got to recognize that.

Who Asks Who:

So I’m a little bit old school in that I prefer the man do the asking, and as it turns out I’m not alone.

A study completed by Michael Mills Ph.D. supports my preference.

Just because this is the society standard, doesn’t mean women shouldn’t take their turn every once in a while.

“Girls shouldn’t be the only one in the kitchen, and guys shouldn’t be the only one asking,” said Daniel Carlson, a freshman at BYU-Idaho.

Doing so can help to change female perspectives on dating; increasing our respect for men brave enough to ask us out. It’s also a chance to show that special someone we care about them!

“There’s nothing worse than a one-sided relationship,” Josh Cole, a freshman at BYU-Idaho said.


If the guy asks, he pays, right? So then who pays if the girl asks?

I’ve been on some dates where I’ve covered, and others where the guys have covered or split the costs with me.

Couples will set up their own expectations, but the U.S.News offered some solid advice:

“Suggesting low-cost activities such as outdoor concerts or festivals for a first date relieves financial pressure, especially on guys who might be concerned about making less than their date or may not have the means for a lavish night on the town.”

U.S.News also recommended that if you’re unsure about who should pay, you can always offer to pay for part of it.

Opening Doors:

“Yes, you open doors for a woman, but your woman probably does special things for you. If she doesn’t, then that’s the problem, not chivalry itself.

“It’s madness to think that equality must mean doing the exact same things for each other and constantly keeping score,” according to The Art of Manliness.

I don’t think I could say it any better. It’s about mutual respect, not a gender hierarchy.


At the end of the day, some things just aren’t worth getting worked over. While it’s fun to discuss confusing expectations, I feel that any date can be successful if you focus on mutual respect and are willing to be flexible.

What are dating expectations you’ve found confusing? Do you agree or disagree with what I’ve written?

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog!






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