BYU-I DON’T Feel Ready For That Step

We’ve all been there: the pre-date interviews, the poorly veiled first date marriage references, and the jokes about how the singles ward inhabitants are only there to get married.funny-mormon-memes-23.jpg

*Warning:This blog post briefly covers a very broad subject 

Just last winter, 16,738 students graced the predominantly LDS campus according to BYU-Idaho. For the fearful and weary, that means that there are thousands of “marriage hungry men and women prowling Rexburg.”

Alright. First of all, calm down.

Fear:

Yes, we are all at different places. Yes, there are some individuals that probably warrant your fear. But hey, there are always going to be weirdos and we can’t let them control us.

2 Timothy 1:7 reads, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

If I’ve learned anything, it’s that allowing fear to control your actions only feeds those negative emotions. If every date you go on seems to revolve around marriage, it may be prudent to analyze where your fears come from.

Is it the people you’re dating or are you seeing the big “M” where there is none?

Allowing the fear to take hold can inhibit the growth of a fantastic friendship.

Fight or Flight:

Do you head for cover or charge in head high, banner waving? This can take many forms in the dating world.

Taking personality tests can help individuals to recognize their automatic responses and triggers. Match.com also offers eight steps to avoiding an irrational fight or flight response in dating situations.

Communication:

Here’s the thing about relationships. Similar to a three-legged race, if one member isn’t ready for the next step, the team isn’t going anywhere.

The only thing I can say on the subject is when in doubt, talk it out. Seriously, get VULNERABLE. Don’t be afraid to broach the hard subjects.

I’m not saying lay it all out on the first date, because that is usually what ends up scaring people. As the relationship develops, or if there is a subject that needs to be broached, bring it up.

I am a firm believer in hashing things out before the problem develops. If you don’t feel that the conversation is worth it, the relationship might not be either. It might be time to consider moving on.

The R.A.M. model:

Speaking of developing relationships, following the R.A.M. model can help to keep relationships at a pace you are comfortable with.

The idea is that couples should not progress past the level they are on before. For example, don’t rely on someone you don’t know, or experience excessive physical contact with someone you don’t trust.

If you feel afraid in your relationship, you may consider how your relationship aligns with the below model.

 

ram-model.jpg

Sometimes the Stereotypes DON’T Lie:

Self-therapy aside, sometimes you really do run across people who make you crazy uncomfortable, and THAT’S OKAY.

Here’s the thing that people don’t tell you:

1.It’s 100% okay to say no to a date that you feel uncomfortable going on.

2.If you feel uncomfortable while on your date, it’s okay to request that they bring you home.

3.If you would rather it be a group date, it’s okay to tell your date that.

4.While you should always try to be respectful and kind, if the message isn’t getting through, you may need to be blunt. Sometimes, being honest is the kindest thing you can do.

Setting up clear expectations rather than vague guidelines and future prospects is a way of showing respect. If it’s time that your “future hopeful” moves on, it’s best that you make sure they know that.

How have you handled crazy dating situations? Are there any topics that you would like covered in future blog posts? Do you disagree with anything I’ve said?

Let’s talk! Feel free to comment below with any additional input!

XOXO Brie

 

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